


Things Fall Apart

by Invincible_Voldemort



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anakin Skywalker is an emotional mess, Anakin-centric, Angst, F/M, Family, Family Feels, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Obi-Wan feels hopeless, Padme is an angel, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:27:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25156228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Invincible_Voldemort/pseuds/Invincible_Voldemort
Summary: Anakin Skywalker truly had it all: a wife who loved him unconditionally and a boyfriend who loved him dearly. Yet, he knew he was being selfish and hurting the ones he loved. He had to let one go. When Padme announces her big surprise, the world begins to crumble around Anakin as everything falls apart quickly.OR, in which Anakin has everything and then nothing.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 6
Kudos: 42





	Things Fall Apart

**Author's Note:**

> I originally started writing this story for a different fandom, but the entire time, Anakin/Obi-Wan/Padme kept coming to mind for these plot. I was initially hesitant to publish it here because I had never written Star Wars FF (when I began writing this), but I felt that it fit better with these 3 in my opinion. So I hope that you all will like reading it.

The older man propped himself on one arm as he let his free hand roam through the wild, untamed curls of his lover's golden hair. In response, the other man moved in closer, snuggling against his bare chest while tracing patterns with his finger lightly.

"When are you going to tell her?" Obi-Wan murmured softly, trying to move away from his boyfriend's hold to read his expression.

The other man simply groaned, and with a petulant shake of his head, inched closer to Obi-Wan. He threw his arm around the latter as he mumbled, "I really don't want to talk about this now, Ben…"

Obi-Wan would have smiled at his boyfriend's childish antics if the topic weren't so serious. He pushed him away firmly, trying to keep him at an arm's distance. However, he finally offered a tired smile when the other man planted his face on the bed while using his arm to drag Obi-Wan closer.

"Anakin— "

The other man finally turned, meeting the serious expression on the older man's face with one of his own.

"I— I'm afraid," Anakin started, looking at his nails with sudden interest.

Obi-Wan gently tilted his boyfriend's chin up with the tips of his fingers, lightly running his fingers over the dark morning stubble, "I know, love. But you owe her your honesty. We owe her our honesty. She's been by your side since you were a child."

"I know… I know. That's exactly why I'm afraid. I don't want to hurt her. God, Ben, she's going to hate me so much. She means so much to… I— " Anakin broke off as tears threatened to fall from his eyes, but he willed himself to control the sob that was trying to break out. He took futile efforts to steady himself with deep, long breaths.

Obi-Wan gently cupped the back of his boyfriend's head, pressing him closer as the tears finally racked through the younger man's body. He used both his arms to wrap around latter as the wet tears fell on his bare chest, "Love, I will support you no matter your decision. But, I think it would be best to tell her the truth. Now. The longer we put this off, the more hurt she will be."

"How are you so calm?" Anakin muttered as the tears abated momentarily. This time, he was the one to initiate the distance between the lovers as he stood up. His voice rose in intensity as he felt a fresh wave of panic and anxiety hit him all at once. "How— how can you be so calm?!"

Obi-Wan didn't flinch as he took Anakin's shaking hands in his own in an attempt to calm the younger man down. He opened his mouth, trying to decide what he wanted to say. "I'm not," he began quietly. "I'm not calm. I feel guilty. No, I don't feel guilty. I am guilty. This inner turmoil has been haunting me for weeks. Hell, it's been there since the beginning, since this started. But, Anakin, it'll do me no good if I fell apart. Nor you. I don't want to do that to you. I've already done so much damage, and the least I could do is be strong for you. Anakin, it's so hard. I want to be strong, but I hate myself so much…"

Obi-Wan's voice caught a little at the end. Anakin noticed, despite the anxiety filling every corner of his body. He knelt back down on the bed, cupping the older man's face in his palms. Wordlessly, he kissed the crown of the auburn-haired man's head and leaned back with a soft smile on his face.

As he stared at the man in front of him, Anakin shook his head fondly, "You've been too good to me. The both of you… I don't deserve either of you."

Obi-Wan looked up with barely subdued anger, "Anakin Skywalker…don't you dare say that. You deserve all the happiness in the world. After all that you've done, you more than anyone else on this planet deserve happiness."

"She does too, Ben. She deserves more happiness than I do. God, what have I done?" Anakin moaned softly as he covered his face with his hands. "I loved her so much. I still love her so much, but…"

"But?" Obi-Wan prompted, knowing the answer already. Afterall, that was what had led to the position they were currently in.

"I'm not in love with her anymore," Anakin whispered, the words barely intelligible.

"That's why you need to tell her. If you think she deserves all the happiness in the world, you need to tell her the truth. She'll be hurt, but it will be less painful than if she found out on her own. And trust me, Anakin, she will find out."

"I can't— " Anakin trembled, "I know— I know that I am a coward…" Anakin raised his hand to prevent Obi-Wan from objecting to his last comment. "I am a coward, and I am greedy. But, I just can't…"

"Love…I love Padmé too. She's been like a younger sister to me for over the last ten years. I watched the two of you grow up…together. I can't stand there and pretend like I'm okay when I feel guilty every time I see her. Guilty because I am fucking her husband behind her back!"

Anakin winced at Obi-Wan's crude word choice, knowing that the usually composed older man rarely used such language unless he was upset. Obi-Wan's chest heaved up and down once he had finished speaking, his body trembling in disgust towards himself.

Anakin knew that this had to stop. In protecting himself, he was hurting the two people most dear to him. He told himself he was doing this to protect Padmé, but even he knew how hollow those lies fell to his ear.

He cocooned Obi-Wan in the comforters of the bed, before the lowering the both of them gently back on to the mattress. Anakin swung his leg over the older man as he snuggled up against his neck. "I'm sorry, love." He felt Obi-Wan's breathing slow down to a more regular pace. "I'll tell her. I can't string her along like this. I can't string you along like this because of my cowardice." He placed a small peck at the base of Obi-Wan's neck before, noticing that his boyfriend had fallen asleep. Anakin welcomed the sleepiness he was beginning to feel, an attempt to block out this early morning dread he was feeling.

"I owe this to the both of you," he mumbled before succumbing to the sleepiness.

* * *

Anakin ran his fingers through his disheveled hair when he woke up again. He attempted combing it to the side to no avail. He picked up the discarded white, formal shirt from the floor before putting it back on. Fortunately, there weren't many creases. He sauntered around lazily before trying to fit his leg through the pants that had been thrown carelessly on the TV in a hasty moment the previous night.

Snapping his watch back on his wrist, Anakin gave a quick look around Obi-Wan's bedroom before entering the kitchen.

"Morning," Obi-Wan grinned cheerfully from where he was at the stove. Anakin glanced, pausing for a moment as his eyes raked over the figure in front of him appreciatively. He noted that the auburn-haired man was only wearing his boxers.

"Good morning," Anakin responded, pressing a kiss on his cheek while cupping one hand on the older man's ass. "Chocolate chip pancakes?"

"What else?" Obi-Wan flashed him a grin as he flipped over the pancake on the griddle.

After finishing breakfast, Obi-Wan ushered Anakin out the door, insisting he would be late for work if he lingered longer. However, he didn't let him go without a kiss on the lips, a silent promise that everything would be alright.

Anakin checked his phones for any missed calls or messages. There had been exactly two missed calls and a single message. All three from the same person.

The message stared back at him, hauntingly. Where are you?

He noted the time that the messages and calls had come in. 1:30 AM last night. While his phone had been on silent last night, he distinctly recalled how vocal the man underneath him had been in bed at that time.

* * *

Since this affair had begun seven months ago, Anakin had been extremely careful in how he had proceeded. He hadn't given Padmé any reason to be suspicious. He was ever the doting husband, or at least he played the part well enough. The couple had been married for almost three years. He still loved her. There was no doubt

When they had gotten married, they had been happy. After knowing each other since their childhood and reconnecting as young adults, the couple was finally happily married. He had been so happy, or so he thought. But as the weeks continued, he found himself lacking something he couldn't pinpoint exactly. Padmé hadn't changed, but the way he looked at her had changed. The girl with whom he had idolized throughout his adolescence was no longer the shining beacon of light he had come to associate her with. It had faded to a dull light in the background. Still there but not in the foreground.

They still playfully bantered, went on dates, cuddled next to one another to watch movies, and even slept together on the same bed. Nothing had changed…outwardly.

Padmé was, of course, intelligent. Anakin knew she had noticed the change in him, his inward retreat one might call it. She had brought up the changes in Anakin a few times.

* * *

_"Are you okay, Ani?" she asked gently one night as they were lying on the couch, the sound of the TV buzzing in the background. Her palm enclosing his hand as her thumb gently rubbed circles into his hand_

_"Hmm?" he muttered sleepily._

_"You've been a bit distant lately."_

_Anakin knew he had been distant, but he was trying… really trying to make her not notice. He moved to face her as he used one hand to gently caress her face, pushing back an errant brown curl._

_"You know, you can tell me anything," she continued hesitantly, almost as if she was unsure that he would want to confide in her. "I'm here for you."_

_"I know, Angel," he responded. "I love you. Everything's fine."_

* * *

_The next time she brought it up, a few weeks after the first time, she was more insistent._

_"I don't know what you want me to say, Padmé," Anakin sighed in frustration._

_"Talk to me. Speak to me. Tell me what's wrong," she demanded, her expression dull and not matching the tone of her words as her doe eyes looked on despondently. "You aren't the same. You used to be so cheerful."_

_"Well Padmé, people fucking grow up! I'm not going to be the same immature teenager that I was," he growled before turning to leave the room._

_She stopped him by grabbing onto his wrist. His anger vanished as quickly as it had come, a deep sense of sorrow at taking out his frustrations on her. This wasn't fair. They had been together through so much. He couldn't blame his emptiness on her._

_"I just feel like I'm in a funk," he finally confided as she wrapped her arms around him as they sat down on their bed. "I don't know how to describe it or what caused it. I just don't know…"_

_"Ani, I understand..." she trailed off._

_He felt himself grow skeptical, although he didn't show it to her._

_She continued, "A few months after we started college…we had just started dating… I felt really empty. Everything was fine on the outside, but I didn't know what was wrong. Something was just missing. I didn't know what to do. There would be days where I would just wish things would end. I didn't know who to talk to since you were on the other side of the country. I almost approached Sheev, but I was worried that he, as my mentor, wouldn't be as understanding of this personal aspect._

_Padmé's carefully built façade had slipped, and Anakin felt the guilt rushing out. How had he not noticed his girlfriend had been going through such a rough time back then? God, was he shit boyfriend… shit husband now._

_Padmé noticed the look of consternation on his face as she rushed to comfort him, "No, no Anakin, this isn't your fault. I didn't want to burden you with what was going on. You finally had a chance to live your life, and I didn't want to hurt you."_

_The look of dismay remained on Anakin's face, "Angel." He felt a rush of love towards the petite brunette in front of him. "You're so brave. So strong…how did I not notice? Why didn't you tell me? I should have been there for you. God, I am a colossal fuckup. Why didn't you tell me?"_

_She just smiled sadly, "Ani, I know what it's like because I've been there. You know what helped me pull through? You." She poked his chest lightly. "Even though you weren't physically by my side, thinking about what we had been through and how much of our future we had ahead of us made me pull through. I knew I didn't suffer all this time just to become a shell. I knew I had my future with you to look forward to."_

_Anakin didn't know how to respond to that. How was he going to explain the emptiness he felt was in their relationship? He gently pressed a kissed to her lips which Padmé responded to, a bit more passionately than him._

_She didn't bring it up again, just offering reassuring smiles every time he was glum. So, he kept hoping… praying that what he was doing by not fully confiding in her was not wrong and wasn't hurting her._

* * *

A few months after these confrontations, he had seen Obi-Wan again. They had last seen each other at Anakin's wedding. wasn't that they hadn't thought to keep in touch. After all, they had been extremely close in their childhood. Anakin had looked up to Obi-Wan as the father figure and older brother he had never had. But, with Obi-Wan moving to the other side of the country for graduate school, the pair had fallen apart. However, Obi-Wan had recently broken up with Satine and had relocated back to Boston. Running into Obi-Wan again made it feel like they had never been apart that long. They had gone to the bar, and the pair found themselves falling into the familiar swing of things as they caught up on each other's lives. Anakin remembered how, in his inebriated state, he had divulged to the older man the things currently plaguing his mind. Obi-Wan, ever the source of steadfast comfort during the Anakin's troubled youth, found himself slipping back into the role once more.

Neither anticipated the outcome of that night. One thing led to another. The next morning, Anakin had found himself tangled in Obi-Wan's sheets. Anakin guiltily made the walk of shame back to his and Padmé's apartment. It was then he realized that Padmé was on a business trip with her law firm in Chicago. The guilt dissipated ever so slightly when he realized he hadn't been found out.

What was meant to be a one-time dalliance with Obi-Wan soon became a regular occurrence. Every time Padmé was on a trip, he made a trip to the other man's apartment. He often made excuses himself, claiming he had his own work trips and happy hours to attend.

It wasn't love at first sight, or first re-encounter in this case, with Obi-Wan. No. Not after he had been in love with Padmé for over ten years. But slowly, as the weeks changed to months, that beacon of light in his mind had become brighter again. However, it no longer represented the brown-haired woman but the auburn-haired man.

Padmé hadn't commented on the change in mood this time. Maybe it was because he truly was happier again and he showed that. Maybe she thought he had finally managed to throw off the funk he had been.

With Obi-Wan around, Anakin's mood had changed substantially around everyone. Padmé included. He became happier, and in turn, it felt like his relationship with Padmé had mended too. No, he wasn't delusional. He knew he wasn't in love with her anymore, but she was no longer that emptiness. She was still a part of him. She was still the girl who had occupied his heart for a significant part of his life. And so, they continued on as always, him playing the role of the attentive husband.

* * *

He unlocked their apartment door with a sense of foreboding, later that afternoon. Anakin snuck inside tentatively, hanging his keys up.

"Angel," he called out.

There was no response. Anakin checked the calendar they had hung up on the wall. Noting the date, he realized that she was at a work dinner party.

A thinly veiled sense of relief as he sprawled himself on the couch. After he had seen the message this morning, he had quickly typed back a pathetic excuse about going out to happy hour with his coworkers and crashing at a friend's place after being too drunk. His phone had also gone dead in this scenario.

She had replied with a text saying that she had been worried and was happy that he was alright. She had called Shmi as well, but the older woman had heard nothing about her son's whereabouts either. A crushing sense of guilt squeezed his heart when he finally noticed another missed voicemail, from his mother this time, had also been left. He noticed that this sense of guilt was a common occurrence these days. He had to tell Padmé soon, before the weight of his infidelity threatened to crush him.

* * *

After a sleepless night the previous night with Obi-Wan, Anakin hadn't even noticed he had fallen asleep until he woke up to Padmé gently shaking him awake.

"Ani— "

He winced at the sound of the affectionate name, remembering his whereabouts last night. Falling asleep on the couch had caused an irritating crick in his neck.

Padmé gave him a fond smile, "Let's get you to bed."

He watched in surprise as she helped him get up, wondering what he had done to deserve such affection and devotion.

"What time is it?" he mumbled sleepily.

"It's 11 PM," she responded as they made their way to the bedroom. She began gently unbuttoning his shirt to help him into his sleepwear.

He stopped her gently, grasping her wrist, " Padmé… I'm…"

"Anakin, I know you're tired, and I'm tired too."

She was tired. Anakin hadn't seen it before, but with the dark circles under her eyes…she looked beyond exhausted. She almost looked unhealthy.

"Don't worry, we're not having sex tonight," she smiled teasingly.

Anakin ignored the statement, focusing on her instead, "Why do you look so tired? Are you not eating properly?"

His serious tone forced her to drop her smile, "I just wasn't feeling well earlier. Nothing to worry about."

"Angel," he stressed the pet name, "I am your husband. It's my job to worry about you. Please tell me what's wrong?" he implored, pulling her to sit down on his lap so that he could look at her face closer. His eyes darted all over face. He noticed the weariness on her face as though she hadn't slept in days.

"Ani," she responded airily, his proximity affecting her greatly and causing her to flush. She cleared her throat before moving back a little, "It's nothing. Just some stress at work causing me to feel a little sick."

She brought her hands to his face and kissed him deeply. Anakin leaned into the kiss despite himself, responding with equal fervor. His arms unknowingly snaking around her waist. He groaned as she moved on his lap, feeling the heat spread through his groin.

"I'm alright," she declared as she climbed off his lap. "Let's go to the park tomorrow. It's Saturday, and it's been a while since we've been to the Public Garden."

Anakin fell back on the bed, with his legs dangling off the end, as he watched her get up to change. He might not be in love with her anymore, but that didn't detract from the fact that she was an attractive woman.

Well, fuck. His life was spiraling, and he had absolutely no control.

* * *

The next morning, Anakin found himself watching Padmé again. This time, she was bundling up herself in a thick coat with mittens and pom pom hat. She looked so small and utterly kissable. He leaned over and pecked her on the lips.

She flashed him a sweet smile as he chuckled, "Don't you think you're overdressed? We're not even halfway through fall."

"Ani, you've lived in Boston long enough to know that this type of jacket is completely warranted during this season," she stuck her tongue out petulantly. The childish behavior brought a smile to his face.

"Alright, alright," he put his hands up in surrender for a second before gently bopping her nose. He swung his arm around her shoulder as they headed out the door.

* * *

Hours later, Anakin found himself sitting next to Padmé on one of the many benches in the Public Garden. He noted the exhaustion on her face as she drank her water. He leaned his head on her shoulder while taking her free hand in his hands.

"You okay, Ani?"

"I should be asking you that," he grumbled.

"Let's get dinner," she said cheerily. "I'm starving." She sprung up from the seat, dragging Anakin off from the bench.

"Padmé, I don't wanna get up…"

"Get your lazy ass up now, Anakin. Stop acting like an old man."

"I am an old man!"

"An old man in his mid-twenties? Now, come on, old man. I might actually die from how hungry I am," she linked their arms as they made their way to a nearby café to grab dinner. He remembered it as the Italian café they had frequented often while the pair had been in grad school

"It's been a while, hasn't it?" he asked her quietly.

Padmé nodded in agreement; her excitement was suddenly subdued. "I thought it might be nice to visit a place that we spent so countless hours in. It was nice, you know? When we were grad students, this place was our little escape. I felt a bit nostalgic." She ended softly.

She pulled him inside the door, the bell on top of the door jingling as they entered. Anakin breathed a sigh of gratitude after escaping the biting wind of the cold fall day. He might have teased Padmé earlier, but he regretted not following her example.

When Anakin ordered a spiked mulled apple cider, Padmé opted for a hot chocolate. He raised an eyebrow at her choice. She simply grinned back.

After the paninis placed in front of them had been finished and the plates cleared, Padmé made no move to stand up, "Let's just sit for a while."

So, they sat, enjoying the silence. Anakin stared at Padmé. This was becoming another common occurrence in the last two days. He wasn't sure if it was the guilt, but he knew he had to tell her. But after the beautiful day they had just spent together, he didn't want to ruin it. Not today. Tomorrow, he promised himself.

He was jolted out of his thoughts as she reached across the table to take his hands in her own. She had a slight, almost shy, smile on her face.

"Anakin, I haven't been truthful to you," she began hesitantly.

Anakin suddenly became alert. Was this it? Was she going to tell him that she knew? That she knew about his infidelity?

"I know I told you I was sick because of the stress from work, but that's not true," she continued, still hesitant as she was judging his reaction.

The breath he was holding escaped. He focused back on Padmé as he rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand, "What's wrong, Angel?"

"I know we haven't talked about this given that we're still young, and I thought it would be years before this happened…" she responded, tears threatening to fall.

"Padmé," Anakin was worried, his heart beating faster than he thought possible. "Angel, you're trembling. What's going on? Why are you crying?" He reached up to wipe away the tears falling down her face.

"Something wonderful has happened,'" she said as his hand stiffened against her face. She sniffled before pausing. Her smile radiant as she said, "Ani, I'm pregnant!"

* * *

Obi-Wan took one look at the tears in his boyfriend's eyes before pulling him into his embrace. He closed the front door behind him with his foot as he took the sobbing man to the couch. He didn't say anything, knowing that Anakin would explain when he was ready. The sobs emanating from the younger man seemed endless, tugging at Obi-Wan's heartstrings. He wanted to comfort him, but he didn't know how. He felt helpless as Anakin's tears began to wet his shirt.

Had Anakin finally told Padmé? Is that what caused this?

Obi-Wan settled for pulling Anakin closer to his chest and began planting soft kisses on to the latter's messy blond curls. He didn't know how much later it had been, but the sobs had begun to cease and had been reduced to sniffling. Anakin finally looked up. His eyes were completely bloodshot.

Anakin spoke without prompting, "I deserve to burn in hell."

Obi-Wan blinked at the unexpected statement. He knew Anakin had been hard on himself when he had left Friday morning, but he hadn't thought the younger man would have sunk back into this again so quickly.

"Did you tell Padm— " he began. This had to be the only explanation, right?

"No," Anakin interrupted him quickly, his voice taking on a strange tone. "I didn't tell her."

Obi-Wan just looked at him incomprehensibly.

"She said she was a little over a month along," Anakin continued.

Obi-Wan was still confused. He knew if he thought about it a bit more, he'd understand what Anakin was talking about. But, as his heart began to race, he didn't want to jump to conclusions. He wanted Anakin to tell him. He needed Anakin to tell him. The younger man continued without noticing the turmoil going inside Obi-Wan. Why would he notice Obi-Wan's turmoil after all? Anakin's entire world was falling apart.

"I can't abandon her. I swore an oath to never abandon her," Anakin's voice lowered in despair as he rambled incoherently. "I can't, especially now…"

"Anakin, love, I need you to tell me. What happened?"

"She's pregnant," Anakin whispered softly, curling in on himself as though speaking the words out loud terrified him.

"God," Obi-Wan breathed out. He felt as though his breath had been knocked out. Never had he anticipated this possibility.

"I can't leave them," Anakin choked out. "I don't want to do that. I don't want to be like my dad. I refuse to be like my dad. I want to be there for my child."

"What are you going to do?" Obi-Wan inched closer to the terrified man until their thighs were touching.

"I don't know," Anakin admitted. His worlds were garbled with his face now in his hands. He rubbed his hands up and down his face, his blond hair sticking in every direction. "I am a complete disaster."

"No, Anakin…"

Anakin looked up, "I know what I want though. It's selfish, but I don't know what else to do. I want my child. I don't want to leave Padmé. And, you… I need you." He said the last statement while staring directly into the grayish-blue eyes of his lover.

That's all Obi-Wan needed to capture Anakin's lips with his own, eliciting a low moan from the latter. Anakin pushed him backwards while maintaining the lip-lock as the pair made their way to Obi-Wan's bed, their clothes quickly discarded in the hallway.

Later that night, after the bliss of their intimate act had faded, Anakin laid in bed, watching Obi-Wan fast asleep beside him. His thoughts wandered back to last night.

* * *

_"Ani, I'm pregnant!"_

_As soon as Padmé had uttered those words, Anakin felt like he had been punched in the gut. He was distraught. This couldn't be happening. Not now. It was going to be difficult enough to leave Padmé, one of the most precious people in his life. But now this, a baby? The rage overtook him for a moment, wanting to blame someone. However, this was entirely on him._

_He managed to pull himself together in front of Padmé's uncertain, searching eyes. After all, he had become an expert actor these past few months. He glanced at their connected hands, giving it a gentle squeeze._

_Deep down, underneath the overwhelming sense of despair taking over almost every nook and corner, he felt another emotion fighting back, trying not to be snuffed out of existence: love._

_Love for his unborn child. A few years ago, this had been his dream. To start a family with Padmé. While his feelings towards Padmé had shifted, he felt an immense gratitude towards the young woman in front of him. She had given him, despite his shortcomings, one of his deepest desires. A child of his own._

_He took one look at his wife's worried glance as she fiddled with her wedding band. He couldn't do this to her now. Nor ever. She was expecting a response from him, the father of her child. He leaned across the table and kissed her on the lips affectionately. The gesture was sincere. All the appreciation he felt for the gift she had given him, he poured into the kiss._

_When they had returned to their apartment, he reached his hand out hesitantly towards her. Padmé seemed to understand what he wanted, leading his hand towards her stomach. She wasn't showing yet, but knowing his child was in there was enough to overcome Anakin with emotions. He collapsed onto the floor in front of her. His tears soaked on to her shirt as his face pressed up against her stomach. She gently kneaded her fingers through his untamed curls._

_"I love you so much," Anakin whispered, the statement directed both at his child and the woman embracing him. "I love you both so much."_

* * *

The next few weeks went by quickly. Anakin accompanied Padmé to all her doctor's appointments. They went shopping together for the baby. For once in the last few months, he didn't need to act. He didn't need to play the role of the doting father. He was so in love with the little person that was part him and part Padmé. He often found himself often laying his head next to the emerging swell on Padmé 's stomach, one hand laying protectively over the life inside. Padmé would look on with love, wondering how she had been blessed with such a devoted partner. A partner who would make such a wonderful father.

Padmé's legs were sprawled on top of Anakin's thighs as they sat on the couch together to watch Netflix. Padmé had chosen How to Get Away with Murder for tonight's binge-watching session.

Anakin winced as a particularly gruesome scene had shown up. While Anakin had seen more than his fair share of violence in his childhood, he had never really gotten immune to it.

"Why do you enjoy watching these shows?" he asked. He didn't pause massaging a stubborn knot in Padmé 's foot. She sighed in relief as he dug in with more pressure.

Padmé then shrugged her shoulders, "The intrigue, I guess?"

"The intrigue?" he threw back with an unconvinced look.

"I don't know, Ani, do I need a reason to enjoy the show?" she smiled at the end to let him know that she was only teasing.

He pinched her leg playfully in response. She retaliated by using her foot to smack him in the chest. Anakin put his hand over where she had kicked him, "You wound me too much, Angel."

"Shut up, Anakin," she groaned.

She readjusted herself such that her back was now resting on his chest. Anakin encircled her with his arms. With one hand, he expertly rolled up her shirt, allowing her slight bump to be exposed. He fondly skimmed his fingers over the taut skin as Padmé shivered under the touch of his cold fingers. Anakin gently caressed the underside of the bump as Padmé lightly squirmed from the feeling.

"When do you begin feeling the baby kick?" he questioned suddenly.

"Not for a couple of months."

"Hmm."

The two continued watching the TV in silence with one of Anakin's hands still resting on her stomach. Minutes later, Anakin heard a grumbling sound. He leaned his head down towards where Padmé was laying down on his chest. She grinned back at him sheepishly as she shifted her position.

"I'm hungry," she confessed.

"Why didn't you tell me? What do you want to eat?" he asked her.

"I was really craving Ben and Jerry's Phish Food, but…"

"But?"

"We don't have any ice cream," her voice dropped in disappointment.

"Well, why didn't you tell me that earlier? We have to fix this situation immediately." Anakin chuckled while lightly trailing his fingers up and down her lower leg.

"But it's almost midnight…"

"And? Pharmacies are open 24/7."

"I don't want you to have to go out so late just because I wanted some ice cream? And what if they're out of Phish Food?"

"Then, I guess I'll have to go to the next one."

"But…"

"And if it's not there either, I'll find another store. Padmé, you are going to get your Phish Food, no matter what. Understand?" Anakin got up after he placed a small kiss on her forehead.

She stared at him with pure love in her eyes, "The world's best baby daddy."

Anakin almost tripped from the shock of hearing those words. He hurried to put on his coat so that Padmé couldn't see the stricken expression on his face. "I'll be back in a bit," he managed to choke out from his constricted throat.

He kept telling himself that the tears in his eyes were a result of the cold wind blowing and not the effect of Padmé 's words. He had walked a few blocks before he realized he had already passed two separate pharmacies. He entered the next one he saw only to find an employee shake his head sympathetically when he notified him that they were out of Phish Food. As though he knew the reason why Anakin was out at midnight for an ice cream run.

In his third attempt, he finally found a store that contained just one pint of Phish Food which he quickly grabbed. He then searched up and down the aisles for heartburn tablets. Although Padmé hadn't explicitly said anything, he had noticed the scrunched expression on her face whenever she had eaten something acidic.

He hurried back to the apartment to find her lightly dozing on the couch. Anakin was hesitant to wake her up. He took her in his arms so that he could take her to bed. He noticed her shifting around once he had gently placed her on the mattress, cushioning her side with a pillow. He was about to leave when he felt her arms encircle his neck.

"Don't go."

Anakin's heart stopped for a moment.

"Where's my ice cream?"

He turned back to look at her. She was still half asleep, but her eyes were open.

"You still want ice cream? You look exhausted. Are you sure you don't want to sleep?"

"No," she shook her head childishly.

He went to grab his purchases from the kitchen counter after digging around for a spoon. He opened up the carton and offered Padmé the spoon.

She looked at him in confusion, "Where's yours?"

"My what?"

"Your spoon?"

"This was for you."

"Na-uh, you are sharing this with me. I can't afford to get any fatter," she added with a wink.

He rolled his eyes, "Just eat."

"I know you love Phish Food."

She did have a point. Anakin succumbed to pressure as they took turns eating out of the ice cream carton. While he was taking a spoon of the ice cream, Padmé found the heartburn medication sitting in the plastic bag.

"You bought this for me?" she asked with a strange lilt to her voice.

"I thought that it would be useful given your present condition. I know that you've been having a hard time— " Anakin couldn't finish his sentence and barely had time to move the ice cream before Padmé launched herself at him.

"I love you so much," she stated, hugging the life out of him while her head rested on his shoulder. She then looked up and pressed a kiss to the corner of his lips. "I love you so much."

* * *

All of this didn't prevent him from seeking comfort in Obi-Wan's warm arms. Obi-Wan had long given up trying to convince Anakin to tell Padmé the truth. After an initial suggestion and seeing how distressed Anakin had been, Obi-Wan couldn't force himself to hurt Anakin even more deeply.

"Does Padmé ever wonder where you go when you're with me?" he questioned the blond-haired man as the latter rolled out of bed, trying to locate his boxers.

"She's usually out of town," Anakin responded after identifying that his boxers had been haphazardly thrown in a corner.

"She's pregnant. Is she still traveling a lot?"

"She's not even a few months in. Also, try suggesting Padmé to stay home," he snorted.

"Are you sure she hasn't noticed anything?"

Anakin sighed, crawling back on to the bed after locating all his articles of clothing. He placed his hands on Obi-Wan's bare shoulders, "Love, I've only been over to your place a few times when she's been home. She knows my work hours are on the nontraditional side."

"But, I…"

Anakin interrupted him with a sweet peck on his lips, "Everything's fine. We're fine."

Obi-Wan thought it sounded like Anakin was trying to convince himself, but he didn't comment any further lest he trigger any anxiety.

"I'm heading out," he gave Obi-Wan a bright smile. However, it failed to reach his eyes. "I have to take Padmé to her appointment, and I promised to take her to lunch after."

* * *

Anakin barely noticed that his knee was bouncing up and down until Padmé put a hand on his leg in an attempt to calm him down. He threw her an apologetic look. He began looking around at the walls of the waiting room as they waited for the nurse to call them.

"Excited, are we?" she asked with a grin on her face.

His head snapped back to look at her, "Of course! This is the first ultrasound. We finally get to see the baby."

"What are you hoping for?"

"I thought we couldn't find out this early?" he asked. Anakin wasn't well-versed in how the timeline proceeded in pregnancy. However, given that his mother had been a midwife, he had a general idea that the gender was usually not know in the first ultrasound.

"We can't yet, but I was just curious what you were hoping for."

"I," he paused, thinking for a bit. "I don't have a preference. Just the thought of having our baby, healthy and in our hands is enough," he finished honestly.

Padmé simply hummed in response.

Moments later, Anakin realized that he had made a mistake. Any sane person would have asked that question back to their partner. He took one of her hands in his hand, "What are you hoping for?"

He knew he made the right decision when she flashed him a smile, "I don't know. I want to say I don't have a preference, but I want a little boy…like his father." She added the last part shyly before continuing, "Imagine a sweet, little boy with your bright blue eyes and sandy blond hair. As kind and thoughtful as you."

Anakin felt his chest constricting as soon as she uttered those words. His breath began to pick up as he recognized the symptoms of hyperventilating. Dizziness hovered over him like a dark cloud. Before he had a chance to excuse himself, he vaguely heard the sound of the nurse calling Padmé 's name.

She grabbed onto him, pulling him up with her. Her own excitement prevented her from noticing the minor semblances Anakin showed of hyperventilation.

He followed her numbly as the words repeated in his head, the anxiety threatening him further. He barely noticed that Padmé was already laying down on the examination table with her shirt rolled up. A brief glance at the swell of her stomach seemed to placate his nerves momentarily.

Padmé was speaking to the OB/GYN, "I had a particularly bad bout of morning sickness earlier today."

He didn't hear the doctor's response as he tuned out again. Morning sickness? How had he not noticed the morning sickness? That's because you were in bed with Obi-Wan this morning instead of being in bed with Padmé. The voice inside his head berated him.

Anakin found himself moving closer to the examination table without any conscious control, almost in a zombie-like motion. The doctor smiled at his hesitant approach. Padmé's hand found her way to Anakin's and grabbed on to it.

The doctor moved the transducer over the gel coating Padmé's stomach. A sound seemed to reverberate through the room. It seemed to echo. It managed to awaken Anakin from his trance-like state.

A heartbeat. _His baby's heartbeat._

"Looks like you have a strong, healthy child," the doctor chuckled as Anakin looked on with awe at Padmé's belly.

The doctor frowned for a second, still moving the transducer over Padmé's stomach.

"Is something wrong?" Anakin asked hesitantly.

The doctor than pointed to the moving image on the screen. She moved the transducer around a bit more to get it into position. "Can you hear the heartbeat? How it seems to echo? By the looks of it, you're having twins!"

The breath he didn't know he had been holding left him. He vaguely heard the doctor say, "The babies are about the size of a mango at this point." He felt Padmé squeeze his hand. As he glanced down, the adoration in her eyes was too much for him to handle.

"Excuse me…" he reached for the door, frantically searching for the nearest restroom.

He barely managed to lock the door behind him as he dry-heaved into the toilet bowl. He didn't know how long he had been in there as his head rested against the bathroom wall. His arms enclosed his knees to his chest as his entire body trembled.

A knock disturbed him from his stupor. He managed to pry himself off the ground. Anakin quickly splashed water on to his face before exiting the restroom, avoiding the curious glance of the nurse who had knocked.

He managed to find Padmé's examination room again, only to not find her there anymore. A passing nurse peaked her head in. "Are you looking for Mrs. Naberrie-Skywalker?"

He nodded his head.

"She's outside in the waiting room."

He thanked her before going towards the waiting area. He found Padmé sitting patiently next to the magazines. She immediately got up when she saw him, the concern overtaking her entire face after she noted how pale he was.

"Ani…" she whispered soothingly into his ear as they walked to the car. "It's alright. It's alright. First time parents…"

"It just feels so real," he whimpered back, almost pathetically. He hugged her tightly while being careful not to squish her. "I mean, yes the bump, but seeing them on the screen… Twins. I can't—I can't believe we're having twins."

He knew he was omitting the other reason he had panicked. He knew this was going to end poorly, and his innocent, unborn children was going to be caught in the crossfire.

He had to tell her. Soon.

Padmé just gave him a knowing look, "I know. I mean I'm carrying them, but seeing them on the screen was surreal. Twins… who would have thought? But, are you feeling alright? Do you want to head home?"

"No, we are getting you lunch," he stated firmly despite the unrest in his mind and heart.

Minutes later, he found himself sitting across from Padmé as she munched on a Big Mac and slurped on a McFlurry, finally forgoing her recent healthy eating streak for a craving.

However, Anakin was focused on the image in his hand that Padmé had handed him. A sonogram of his children. _His beautiful, pure babies._

* * *

Anakin glanced in admiration at the auburn-haired man in front of him. He remembered when he had showed Obi-Wan the sonogram a few months ago. Obi-Wan had been excited to see the sonogram as well, getting emotional at the sight of Anakin's children. He knew this was likely the closest he would have to having his own children. Obi-Wan vowed he would cherish these children with all his heart.

Padmé, now almost seven months pregnant, had gone on another business trip for ten days, this time to San Francisco. Despite Anakin's urge for her to stay home, she refused. But upon seeing the pained expression on his face, she promised this would be the last one before she was due.

Knowing that this was likely his last chance to spend time with Obi-Wan in the upcoming months, Anakin had taken up a temporary residence in the older man's apartment. Now, with Padmé returning tomorrow, Obi-Wan had offered to drop Anakin back off at his apartment.

Anakin quickly dragged the other man inside. "I need to show you the baby room," he exclaimed.

Obi-Wan grinned at his boyfriend's childlike enthusiasm.

"Padmé and I spent the last few weeks painting the room," he said eagerly. "Given that we're having one of each, we decided on a gender-neutral color."

"And this is the recliner," he continued, plopping himself on to the seat. "So that Padmé can nurse the babies." He remembered how after the two had finished assembling it, Padmé had sat herself down, propping up her feet. He had massaged both her feet and shoulders that day after noting how tense her muscles had been and how much of a toll the pregnancy had taken on her.

Anakin reached for the stack of baby clothes he had folded earlier. "And look at this onesie!" He held it up proudly for Obi-Wan to see. Daddy's Little Princess was written on it with an image of a little brown-haired girl in a tiara.

Obi-Wan stared with love at the excited, young man in front of him. His boyfriend had taken on impending fatherhood so well. It was as though he was suited for the role. He was born to be a father. In all his years of knowing Anakin, Obi-Wan had never seen the other man as happy or so full of life as he currently was. Obi-Wan felt a sharp pang of guilt at being a homewrecker. Here he was, keeping these unborn babies from the proper family unit they deserved. But he couldn't bring it in himself to end things with Anakin. They would both be too miserable.

"Did you assemble the cribs?" Obi-Wan asked to distract himself from the intruding thoughts. He pointed at one of the light teal-colored cribs pushed up against the wall. "You did a good job."

"Padmé helped," Anakin muttered sheepishly.

Obi-Wan bit back a smile.

"I'm usually pretty good with my hands," he shot Obi-Wan a wink to which the older man rolled his eyes, "But, I couldn't figure out Ikea's goddamn instructions for the life of me."

"I'm sure the babies will excuse their father's lack of Ikea prowess."

Anakin lightly punched Obi-Wan in the shoulder. The older man pretended to wince. "Do they have names yet?"

"Nothing set in stone yet. Padmé wanted to wait until they were born. She has an idea for the boy… Luke."

Obi-Wan nodded his head pensively, "Bringer of Light. What about for the girl?"

"I—I had some ideas. I really like the name Leia. I wanted something that went along with Luke, and I also wanted it to have a deeper meaning to what she means to the family… to me," Anakin had a look of pure adoration on his face as he uttered the name in devotion, tears threatening to spill. "Obi-Wan, I love them so much. I can't wait to have them in my arms."

"I know, love. I know. I can't wait either."

* * *

Anakin wasn't sure how he ended up in his current position after tearing up over his children's names, but he wasn't complaining. He was going to make the best use of his last moments with Obi-Wan before Padmé came back home tomorrow.

His forehead was dripping sweat from the exertion. He groaned deeply as he felt Obi-Wan. Anakin's forearms tightened around his lover, entrapping Obi-Wan's back to his chest. The older man moaned in response. Anakin nipped gently at his ear, wanting to elicit a louder moan from his boyfriend.

"Anakin…" the other man nearly mewled in pleasure. Anakin grinned at how Obi-Wan sounded. He turned Obi-Wan around so he could look at his lover's face.

His eyes took in the man in front of him, and Anakin's mouth fell open slightly in reverence. He noticed Obi-Wan shifting uneasily from the apparent sudden attention. Anakin straddled Obi-Wan's legs and cupped his face with his hands to prevent the shier man from squirming away from his gaze.

Anakin's thumb gently swiped over his boyfriend's lips.

"You're so beautiful," he murmured softly before attacking the other man's lips. Obi-Wan's arms had made their way around Anakin's waist to support his boyfriend's back as the younger man leaned down to kiss him.

As his lover reciprocated by deepening the kiss, Anakin felt as though the world around him had vanished. All the troubles that had been plaguing him had simply vanished in the moment. It was just him and the beautiful man in front of him.

Enraptured in his own little bubble with Obi-Wan, Anakin didn't hear the opening of the front door. And he certainly did not hear the worn-out female voice that called out his name, "Ani?"

He didn't even hear the bedroom door open in front of him.

His eyes snapped open when he heard the strangled sob, however. Blue eyes locked on brown. The look of despair on her face felt as though the weight of the world had been dropped on his shoulders, this time actually crushing him. He immediately, but softly, pushed Obi-Wan off his lap.

"Padmé …?"

The door slammed shut.

* * *

His mind was numb as thoughts refused to surface. He vaguely noticed Obi-Wan trying to gently urge him off the bed, but his body felt paralyzed. He couldn't move his legs. He couldn't move his arms. How long had it been? One minute? Five minutes? Ten minutes?

Obi-Wan stood up. Once he had found his boyfriend's boxers, he began wordlessly putting them back on his lover. Anakin remained still as a statue. Obi-Wan tried to pull Anakin up, but the other man resisted. Obi-Wan sighed, placing a tender kiss on his forehead, "Go, you need to talk to her now."

Anakin didn't respond.

"Anakin, love, help me out here. You need to walk out this door, and talk to her."

Obi-Wan was met with more silence as he noted Anakin's eyes had taken on a glazed over look.

"Anakin, please, talk to her," Obi-Wan pleaded. "Padmé is hurting out there!"

That statement appeared to have the intended effect. Anakin stood up quickly, and almost robotically, walked out the door.

Padmé was seated on the couch with her face in her hands. He could hear the dull sobs echoing through the living room. He made a move to approach her.

"Angel?" Anakin reached out his arm but recoiled when Padmé suddenly stood up.

"No, don't you dare touch me."

She moved back a few steps; her face was now emotionless. The mask that she wore resembled her mother. He knew that this was a mask, and that underneath it, he would find all the loathing in the world directed toward him. Every step he took forward resulted in her taking multiple steps back.

Anakin was terrified. Not because he was afraid of Padmé. No, he was terrified once he realized he was the one that had pushed her to this state. He could deal with her loathing towards him, but he couldn't bear to see the woman he had once been in love with look so torn.

"Did you ever even love me?" she spoke, her voice as steely as her eyes.

"Yes," he responded immediately without any hesitation. "I still love you." His voice cracked as he tried to prevent the tears.

Padmé regarded him closely, "Are you still in love with me?"

She was met with silence.

"How long has this been going on for?"

She was met with silence again.

"I asked how long has this been going on for, Anakin?"

He flinched at how cold his full name sounded coming from her, "Padmé, I…"

"Answer the damn question!" The carefully made façade she had built was slowly beginning to slip. He saw that she was trying to maintain composure, but the tears had broken through.

"A year," he whispered in a pained voice.

Padmé 's eyes widened momentarily, "A year?" Her own voice mirrored his tone. "Why the hell didn't you just tell me you didn't love me?! Why didn't you tell me you didn't want to be with me anymore?"

"I— I was going to…" he uttered, the words sounding pitiful even to him.

"But?" the sudden understanding came to Padmé. "But you stayed. You stayed just because of the babies."

"I didn't want to leave you alone."

"This was all just an act…" The full weight of the realization hit Padmé. "You pitied me. Is that what I've become to you? A pitiable person?"

"No, no, Ang— " he didn't finish the term of endearment as she glared at him. "I love you."

"You bastard!" she punched him, and he let her, cherishing even the slightest contact.

Anakin brought his arms around her, pressing her against his bare chest as she weakly continued to punch him. He tried to bridge the gap between them, but her stomach acted as a wedge.

He placed one hand on her bump, rubbing circles into it with his thumb. He hoped his children would kick once, just once as a sign that everything would be alright. They were his only comfort now.

"Padmé," he murmured, his voice now deep and low. Padmé finally realized the position they were in. She made a move to get away from him, but his strong arms pulled her back as his grip tightened around her. This time, her back was facing his chest so that he couldn't see her expression.

Padmé tried to control her sobs with her hand as she resisted his grip. His arms readjusted such that they were caressing her stomach. Although he had an immovable grip, the touch was feather-light. His head rested on her shoulders, and Padmé felt his tears hit her nape as he made no attempt to keep in his tears.

"You asshole, let go me! After what you did, you don't have any right to touch me or my children!"

Anakin's heart broke once she spoke those words, his grip loosening ever so slightly. But that was just enough. She turned around, managing to finally push herself out of his grasp.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she repeated weakly. "A whole fucking year? You cheated on me before and while I was pregnant!" The weakness in her voice dissipated with each word.

"Pad— " he stammered.

She pushed him back, with more force than he had anticipated. He stumbled back a little.

She removed her wedding ring, placing it on the coffee table next to her. Anakin's eyes trailed her motion, the crack in heart accelerating further.

"We are done, Anakin. Do you understand? You will never come near me and my children ever again," her voice was as cold as ice as she placed a hand over her stomach in a protective manner.

"No! You can't do that," Anakin's voice rose in trepidation. The imminent threat of never seeing his children causing him anguish. "You can't do that! I won't let you… they're my babies too!"

"You lost any rights as their father when you cheated on me," her voice was just short of a snarl. Padmé turned back, locating the suitcase she had brought back from her trip. She made her way to the door.

"Where are you going?"

"That doesn't concern you," she snapped back.

"Our children need both their parents!"

"MY children need only one, faithful parent who will love them unconditionally."

"You can't…"

"I can and I will," she said decisively.

"Padmé, I'm sorry," he finally apologized, his words not intelligible with the downpour of tears on his face. "But please, please don't leave. I'm sorry. Please don't do this."

Padmé simply turned around, but Anakin felt his knees collapse under him. He hugged her knees as his tears soaked Padmé's blouse. He began pressing gentle kisses on her stomach, knowing that he was moments away from losing his children.

"You can't do this alone. For the sake of our children. Please, don't leave. I'm really sorry, Angel," he implored.

Padmé willed herself not to cry as she saw the top of his head pressed against her swollen stomach. She put on a strong, determined front, "I am doing this for the sake of my children."

Anakin just tightened his grip around Padmé 's stomach. The thought of not seeing his son or daughter born, not getting a chance to hold them, hearing them speak their first words, or watching them take their first steps. The pain in his heart grew as his breath quickened. No, no…he couldn't do this.

Anakin had known this day would come. After all, it was his mess that had caused this. But he hadn't fully realized just how much it would hurt. His chest heaved as he struggled to breathe. No, he might have been a selfish prick, but Padmé wasn't heartless. He just needed to convince her. She wouldn't actually stop him from seeing his children, would she?

"Padmé, please tell me what to do," he begged earnestly. "I'll do anything. I'm sorry… Please don't take our babies away from me."

His nose dug in softly into her stomach as he couldn't bear to let her go. "Anything, but please don't keep me out of her life."

She drew back at his touch as though she were repulsed. The hurt showed in Anakin's eyes as he saw her resolute stare. He had lost her. He had lost them.

Padmé took her suitcase and paused at the door for a moment, "Goodbye Anakin. I hope you and Obi-Wan will lead a happy life." The door slammed shut behind her. The sound echoed the finality of the moment.

Anakin wept uncontrollably. He hadn't even noticed Obi-Wan's presence after Padmé had left. He tucked his head into crook of Obi-Wan's neck as the other man rubbed his back gently while placing comforting kisses on his hair.

"Love," Obi-Wan began tentatively.

"I lost them," Anakin bawled unabashedly. Padmé was still an integral part of his life despite his lack of romantic feelings for her. They had known each other and been together for so long. He couldn't even begin to imagine life without Padmé at his side. But most importantly, he had lost his chance of being a father to his precious, unborn children. His own flesh and blood.

He was no better than the man he had loathed to be… his father.

Obi-Wan's heart broke at the site in front of him, seeing the man he loved above all being reduced to this state.

Anakin's hoarse, broken voice rasped, "I am never going to see my children..."

**Author's Note:**

> This one is quite different than my other Obikin AUs, but I hope you still like it.
> 
> I do have part 2 planned if people are interested. However, I'm also at peace leaving it as is.
> 
> But, I would really love to hear your thoughts and comments on this piece. 
> 
> (also, please let me know if you catch any dumb grammar/spelling errors in this)


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